Farewell, Old Bess, Until We Meet Again

It’s been a long time coming, but I finally made the move last week to post the old girl on Craigslist.

My dad said she wouldn’t go for much.  He said people would try to lowball me somewhere around $350.  I said he was crazy.  I said, “anybody offering me less than my $750 asking price can shove it.”  Of course everyone would appreciate what a great car I had.  Nobody doesn’t like a classic Volvo wagon.

But as the offers began to trickle in, so did reality.  One guy offered $450 flat.  Insulting!  Another guy told me straight up that because it doesn’t run, he thinks it’s only worth about $400-$500.  Just because it doesn’t run!  It’s not exactly that I’m suffering for interest.  It seems I was right in thinking that everyone appreciates a good Volvo wagon…just not $750 worth.  What are people not seeing in my Old Bess?

To look at Old Bess objectively, sure, you might think she’s only a $400 car.  It’s true, she doesn’t run anymore (at least not far before she conks out), some of the paint is chipping, the seats coverings are dry rotted, and the AC didn’t even work well when it was brand new.  The power steering is practically nonexistent, the exhaust is rusting, and the odometer is stopped.  But if that’s all you’re looking at, then you’re not seeing Old Bess at all.

Of course,  I couldn’t put everything I needed to say into my ad, which is featured below.   Unfortunately, what I came up with is fairly boring and lacks all the personality and emotional appeal that Old Bess really has going for her (unless, of course, you know how to read between the lines)…  

“I am selling my 1992 Volvo 240 Station Wagon (Basically, my childhood). This was the last year that Volvo manufactured that body type (which is best described as “tank”) and, although it is currently untagged, this car is eligible for historic plates. It has 273,908 miles (including a trip to Disney, one to the Outer Banks, and innumerable drives to Ocean City, Md., all with my brother and me smashed into the backseat with a cooler between us and a beach umbrella at our feet) but the odometer stopped working about one year ago.  This car has had ONE owner (plus four drivers and three dogs) since we bought it new in ’92 (She’s basically become a household name among our family, friends, and neighbors.  This car took my brother to his first day of both kindergarten and college, flunked a driver’s test with me, was the only vehicle trusted to keep us safe in high school, lived at the University of Maryland, and later became the envy of my hipster neighborhood in Baltimore.  When I was driving, I’d get waves and thumbs ups from people I didn’t even recognize – fellow Volvo drivers and friends whose cars I didn’t know but who definitely knew Bess.  I was pretty much known as “the girl with the Volvo.”). I no longer have the time or money necessary to put into it (and I really need a car that doesn’t try to kill me when the headlights go out while I’m driving at night so the only way I can get home is to hold the high-beams button down the whole way), but Old Bess is the perfect hobby car for anyone who would like to restore her to former glory (not to mention, there’s a broken Spice Girls cassette tape and a few french fries and pennies under the backseat, so those are up for grabs).

The car starts with a hotshot, but it does not stay running very long; it may require a new battery or an alternator . Haul-away will be the buyer’s responsibility. When I was driving it regularly (mostly non-city), it got about 20-24 combined mpg (and it used to do this amazing thing when I was in high school where it would spew thick, white smoke out of the tail pipe while going up a hill – perfect way to get rid of tailgaters). The body and drivetrain are in good condition (except this one time, the driver’s side window fell out in a CVS parking lot, and a good Samaritan had to help me put it back on the track), but the vehicle needs some repairs.

Maintenance/Needs Work:
– Battery/Alternator? (requires hotshot)
– Power steering lacking (Oh, and one time the gear shift got stuck in park in my friend’s driveway, and it took a combined effort between me and Rosie, who had to stick her little fingers inside the gear console to push a pin while I shifted, to get it in drive.)
– Brakes/Rotors aging
– Front seat coverings dry rotted
– Parts of exhaust components rusting (Don’t worry, though, other parts of exhaust components have been replaced.  Like the muffler – we reconnected that after it fell off one time and the car sounded like we were headed for a Hells Angels rally.  And the tail pipe – we reconnected that when I dragged it through the streets of Baltimore after the coat hanger that had been holding it in place for about a week finally gave way.)
– AC does not work/needs replacing (Do yourself a favor and investigate this issue ASAP.  Learn from my mistakes and don’t spend a summer sweating through your suit jackets on your way to all your work meetings.  On the plus side, the heat will blow you away, even in the coldest of cold snaps; maybe take your coat off before you turn it on.)
– Front hood & roof need paint (It was repainted after we hit a deer on our way home from Thanksgiving dinner one year, but it’s gonna need another coat.)  

Features/Repairs:
– Roof Rack (Which easily supports a turtle top with about four beach chairs, a bucket of sand toys, and two boogie boards.)
– Jump Seat (Where I spent most of my childhood waving and making faces at the cars behind us.)
– New radio + new front speakers (Especially useful because sometimes the air vents make this mechanical screeching noise that sounds like a wind turbine lost a screw in the middle of a hurricane.  That might need looking into, as well.)
– New struts/shocks in 2014
– Tires in good condition
– Re-wired for all rear lights (after they went out and I drove around with flashers on for about a week because I had no brake lights or turn signals.)
– Historic (eligible when tagged)
– Routine oil changes and general maintenance religiously performed

All maintenance records are available (Pack a lunch.  She was in and out of the garage so many times, the mechanic’s dog started to recognize me.). Payment accepted in cash or certified check.  (And if you’re not in the market, that’s ok, too.  My friend Glenn already offered me $10 for her.  He knows she’ll outlive us all.)